Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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