If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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