do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
