So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dick very happy bro
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
