got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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