my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
