anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
