I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
