Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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