Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
