he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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