I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
