I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
