are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
