I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he thought i was a dude.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
