ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
