i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
