am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
