I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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