when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
