oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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