She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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