I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
