so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
