Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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