Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
