Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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