Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
