WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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