mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
