Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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