Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
