walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
