Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
