I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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