Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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