i just wanna soil my oats bro
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
