Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
