Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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