Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
