my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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