I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
