I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
