i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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