He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
