Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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