Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
