Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
