All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
