Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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