I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
