Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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