Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
