We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
