why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
