he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
