so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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