Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i barfeds in our rink
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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