Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
