I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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