the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
