Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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