my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
