The maid of honor just puked.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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