The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
