i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
