What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
