so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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