what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
