What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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