u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
