hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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