And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
