.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
