Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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