oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
